i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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