you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
