all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
