This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
