Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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