I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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