If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
