Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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