I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
