i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
