He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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