I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
