id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
and you fell through a lawn chair
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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