So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
