Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
