I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
