so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
