Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
