Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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