I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
