So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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