hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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