I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
