What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
