I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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