Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
