I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I didn't notice because vodka
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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