I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
