For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And then my night got REAL pukey
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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