I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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