i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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