i jhust puked up my retainher.
farters have to be the big spoon...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you traded sex for a burrito?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
