Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
