I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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