I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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