the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My pussy is not your playground.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
