PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
