we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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