At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
