I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
