I cannot find my penis.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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