His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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