Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dicks are not precious.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
