Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
