Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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