I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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