She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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