well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
