My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
