I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
